October 26th, 2008

"My best friend gave me the best advice, He said each day's a gift and not a given right" -Nickelback

I have many fun and interesting things to post for you guys so you should have lots to read in the coming weeks but today I have to stop to do something else. Please bare with me on this one.

I wasn't sure how today would affect me, and honestly, I'm still not sure. The date listed above is not a typo. I did mean for it to read 2008. You see if you haven't already figured it out it was exactly one year ago today that I will remember for the rest of my life. I know as time continues to pass for us all the feelings and memories will not come back to cause so much pain but that day was the worst I've ever encountered, EVER. I lost my daddy that day. My girls lost their Pappy, my mom lost her husband, my bother lost his dad and so on. The hardest part so far for me is the memories of that day. I'm doing ok with remembering the good times and knowing what an excellent man my dad was. It's just hard when your mind takes over and leads you to places you don't want to remember. And those are memories that can be haunting if you choose to go there. So I'm not going to relive that day right now. That is not what this post is about.

Anyway, over all we've come through this year ok. All the 1sts were difficult but we pressed on through them. There have been good times, great times, bad times and sad times but I feel like I've never let any of them steal my joy in the fact that my dad was my hero. When I picture him in my mind, he is always smiling. That is how I remember him. Smiling and full of love.

The very hardest part for me is missing him. I wish for just one more time I could hug him and hear him tell me he loved me. I wish I could see him stand in the driveway when I left mom & dad's house as he waved goodbye until we were out of sight. BUT I feel like that is why we were blessed with the ability to remember: So we can cherish and honor those things we hold dear to our hearts.

I don't remember much from the sermons yesterday at church (preoccupied, I'm sure you can understand why) but I do remember one of the thoughts was Selfless Love. That's what my dad was to me and everyone he knew. He loved with all he had. He gave what he had so other's could be happy. I hope that is how I am. I think if there's one thing I learned from my dad it is to love others with all I have!

My dad died on my back deck. For months I could not set foot back there. It was too hard for me. Eventually I slowly made my way back out there but not to the area where it happened. Earlier this summer, my Alex re-built our back deck with the help of his dad - for me. I didn't realize it at first but it was his selfless act of love for me so I could enjoy our back deck again. My dad spent a lot of time out on back decks at our house and his so this is amazingly special to me. I've saved these pictures since then, knowing I wanted to share them with you now. They probably aren't significant to you but they are to me!

Thank you Alex for loving me and my dad so much that you did this for us.

They did an excellent job but that's not why I'm sharing this with you. I want you all to understand how powerful love is. It makes you do things you never thought you would do. It makes you sacrifice yourself for others, like Christ did for us. Yesterday, at church I had an experience that was moving for me. I do not want to go into details but there was someone who was obviously hurting. I saw her and it moved me tremendously. I'm not one to like attention or want to be the hero and save the day but she needed someone. I approached this person and I hope I helped her. This is significant to my dad and this post because it made me aware that we are all hurting in some way or another. It might not be too bad or it might be life changing but I'm not the only one with struggles. I personally, think God moved me into that situation yesterday so I could be reminded of that. I'm pray she gets some peace soon.


I want you all to do me a favor, love with all you have, never take a day for granted, and put yourself out there to help others. I'm not really great at doing these things myself but I constantly remind myself of that. We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow but we are guaranteed a forever!




Mom- I love with my heart more than I can say. You are my confidant and friend. I'm so blessed to have you and pray for you continuously.


Alex - Thank you for loving me and being there for me. I couldn't have made it through as well as I have without you. I love you wholeheartedly.


Jonathan - I want only great things for you. Know I love you so very much. I'll always be your big sister and am here for you always.


My Girls - I have such a special place for you in my heart. I will love you forever. I pray that I can sacrifice for you daily and that you can live your lives as happy, Christ loving individuals. Pappy would love that.


Wendi & Todd - I will never forget or be able to repay you for your efforts on that day last year. I love you both more than you know.


Rachel - Thanks for listening to me and being there when I needed to talk. I love you like family because you are in so many ways.


All other Family & Friends - Just in case you haven't figured it out - I love you too. You may not think you've touched me significantly or really helped in any way but so many people have reminded me throughout this last year and recently how caring and loving you all are. Your love and prayers have made all the difference.

Live each day like you mean it guys.

Committ a Selfless Act of Love today.