Friday, January 16, 2009

I gotta new attitude....

disclaimer - I'm going all long winded on ya. I guess I need to use the blog as another therapy session. Just wanted to warn ya.

Ok so I'm working on one anyway. New attitude, that is. I can feel it in there somewhere. Maybe it won't burst out of me until spring or something but I think I need it. There's been so much on my mind lately and I've sort of avoided the blog to some degree b/c I didn't know where or what to post. Last weekend was really hard. Alex and I had to say goodbye to a friend, Brad, and watch another friend, Karen, mourn her husband. It was tough being back in that kind of environment and way too soon. We did get to see an amazing amount of our friends from Tuscaloosa times and our Auburn days. Although we were there for a heartbreaking event, it was strangely comforting and emotionally exhausting. We saw people we haven't seen or talked to in close to 10 years. One of the positives is that we have reconnected with some old friends and we all made a promise to stay in touch. Our preacher from our time at University Church of Christ did part of the service and our Auburn college minister, Jim Brinkerhoff, did the remainder. It was an amazing service and definitely a celebration of his life. As I sat and listened to Jim speak and looked around at all the people from our past in the audience it was a surreal event for me. One moment it was like we were back in school listening to a devotional on Tuesday night and the next moment I was teared up and the next I was laughing. I can say that Karen's strength through it all was most encouraging and empowering. I can feel the pain welling up right now from my own loss but I guess I write all of this to say that one can't let the negative outweigh the positive. If so, then Satan wins. I have bad days of coarse, we all do but I have these moments that pass over me wanting to dance, play and let go. So, I do. I want to. I will and I plan to. Life is too short as I've come to realize more and more as the days go by.

I've heard many depressing and sad things this week in addition to the ones mentioned above, and there are a LOT of prayers needed at this very moment but I'm ready for good news. I want to feel good. I want to laugh. I need to. And you do too. It's a scary time we are living in and the future could be even scarier but I refuse to give in and let life take over my spirit and outlook. I have 3 little angel faced girls who watch my every move (believe me EVERY move) and they are learning about their world through my actions. I want them to appreciate life and the joys it brings. There are always times in life to be serious and concerned but over all I'm a positive person. I want to live that way. I want you to know me and see that in me. God wants me to look inside more than I do and re-evaluate where I am. It's time to take over my attitude and grow in the process.

I've mentioned before that music touches me greatly and well, it does. For some its poetry or reading or singing. For me it's listening to powerful lyrics sung by amazing people that God has gifted with such talent. There is a song that gives me strength every time I hear it. I've posted some of the lyrics for you below. However, I've also found strength through others. Some are friends and some I do not know. I've found blogs that belong to people who have such amazing strength and faith. One of those is linked on my page, Bring the Rain. It's worth checking out but get your Kleenex if you start at the beginning. I hope maybe my ranting and ramblings might have touched you too. If not then maybe I gave you a little something to think about. I love you all and hopefully I'll get back to the norm and have some funny or cute pictures to post soon of my girlies.

"Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God"
Third Day

4 comments:

Cassie said...

Beautifully said!! You are one of those strong people you mention, you know???!!!!

Kim Lawson said...

Michele, thank you for this post. And I totally agree with Cassie!! Love you!

courtney said...

i'm often thinking of you and your whole family. we love you and we are here for you anytime, day or night. love you.

kimberly t. bowling said...

great job with strengthening within yourself....writing is a wonderful outlet to relieve the sadness but also to spread the happiness. I am praying you come into your joy of the positives, the everyday blessings from above, with renewed hope for this life we have here on earth.